Endeavor

Creative endeavors. I love that word, endeavor. It has a great sense of mysterious whimsy and yet a slight air of passion. This is something that will be part of my 2011 existence. Figuring out how to put all of my creative thoughts and ideas into a cohesive creative endeavor.

While we're on the topic of my not-so distant future in... something, I might as well get off my chest the loss of patience I am experiencing with my current struggle.

Pulling up stakes twice in 10 years and moving around, has proven to be one of the mightiest of lifes teaching tools. On the other side of that, is the almighty human need of providing for myself. In comes the service industry to save the day! (pompous super hero music follows) Meeting a quick group of friends, which is the biggest plus in my experience and then of course the quick cash. No one can deny that it is so hard to give this up. When I am in need of quick revenue, I pick up a shift and the need is sated. But I'm getting off track.

I am getting older. (dwindling game show loss sound follows) I get irritated much quicker, I get tired a lot faster and let's face it, I am the grumpy "old" lady at work. This is where my patience has thinned the most. What ever became of just picking up this line of work to get extra cash and moving on? The lack of patience here lies in myself. I have been too compliant with my own ways to really push myself in another direction.

So here it comes, another year. Another chance to make something more meaningful of my passions and energies. Not wasting them on another persons subsistence, but to make them more useful by taking a new and improved approach on all things. Wheather they are whims or full blown ideas. Really getting out there and starting a new endeavor.

A new decade and new goals

Well, it's been 2 YEARS since I've written and as I sit here on a NEW laptop and a NEW decade and pushing my boyfriend to start writing again, I figure, do it yourself girl! It's a great creative outlet for the dozens of ideas swirling in my head, that need a springboard for their potential to be maximized.

Well, it's been 2 YEARS and I'm STILL waiting tables to supplement income. I don't have an issue with waiting tables, I have an issue with not moving forward with my life with the extra room waitressing gives you. It lets you take off time, more time than any other job. It gets you the quick cash you need for small projects and if saved right, the savings to start something big.

The year 2010 was supposed to be the beginning of something big, as that year closed I realized it really is time to kick this into high gear. I love card shops, I love coffee shops, I love all of my friends' creative endeavors and if we could all come together, we would really have something special. Individually speaking to all of these people, they all agree. So maybe if 2011 can be the year we all came together, I am sure that this little blog that can will describe a NEW decade of success.

A NEW year of ideas that generate a momentum that can't be denied and a final resting place for my apron. Happy NEW year!

The ball begins to roll...

Yes. It has been awhile since I've written. Yes, I've become that girl. Yes, I think there's a change a comin'.

I used to...

I used to write more. I used to read more.

I used to tease my friends for alienating everyone when they got involved with a new guy.

I used to think my talents were minimal and I'd never really get anywhere.

I'm going to...

I'm going to write more, I'm going to read more.

I'm going to say sorry to all my friends I teased, because now that I've entered one of those relationships, I realize how much time and energy are spent getting to know each other and grow together.

I'm going to start going out on a limb, taking more risks and making small steps to make a career/life goal progression.

These were my thoughts today.

This Girl....

I'm laying it all on the line...I have never believed in relationships.

A blame I've always laid on my parents. Pointing my disbelief in their direction due to what seemed like endless failed attempts at a successful relationship.

On a personal level, I've never given into anyone. EVER.
Oh so casual with my dealings with men. Distant yet still perceptive of my misguided values.

Refusing to open myself to potential loss or love, or be available to anyones desire or deception.
I've considered this a survival mode and was satisfied with short, meaningless courtships.





Imagine my surprise, when one fine day, a man I've admired from afar for years, expressed similar interest.
It felt right from the start, almost like destiny was taking my hand and putting it in his.
For me there is a balance between complete elation one moment and fear of the unknown the next.

The smiles that go along with a budding potential once would make me cringe, but now have seeped into my every day routine.

Smiling.

Smiling at the thought of him. Smiling at his voice on the other end.
The outcome is unsure, the path is unseen. A path my cynical being never imagined going down.

But for once in my life, my eyes are open and my heart is willing.

On a random note...

Second lining on St. Joseph's Day with the Mardi Gras Indians. Sharp colors on soft plumes filled the afternoon like a rainbow fell from the sky.



Somewhere during the day I passed this wonderfully old church.
It was flooded and abandoned...it was beautiful, photogenic and sad.

Feel me out...

I am NOT desensitized. Though a majority of friends and family might believe so.
Yes, there is extensive crime and corrupt politicians.
I'll admit, I don't live in the best neighborhood.
Have I heard gunshots? You betcha'.
What I ask those that aren't familiar with our situation here is,
"Do you think that we simply IGNORE these statistics if favor of some sort of jolly time?"

I can hear locals yelling out HELL NO.

We DON'T ignore these things. They piss us off.
They make it hard to get up some days.
They make us cry.
They make us scared.

But they also make us some of the strongest people you will EVER meet.
We get up every day, work hard and fight to live here. Endure each new day with a shot of hope, and that alone is sometimes hard to muster some days.

You see, if this city didn't have us, there would be nothing here. It would become something that it's not...which is a great place to live.

"And why do you live there?" "When will you get out of there?"
I am sure many people here are asked that in many ways and on many days.

For someone like me, there is a plenitude of the most amazing music you'll ever hear on any given night of the week.
There is more diverse culture here than anywhere else outside of NYC.
The blend of people I've met from around the world that have become the most influential people in my life thus far.
The food, the possibilities, the good times, the bad times...
An article was printed 2 weeks ago by a columnist who came up with an alphabet of reasons why this place gets into your skin and takes hold of your heart.
Angus Lind lists the most basic of things that amaze me every day of this place. These are the exact things that don't make me forget about all of the bad parts, but really kind of make me want to stay and fight for this place. To keep it going.


So, If you'll excuse me, I have to go home and plan my weekend, Mardi Gras is coming up and I have to prepare my costume.

Cheers

I had the ills for a little over a week and it kept me pinned down the bed and pining for sleep aids that impair your nervous system like elephant sized sedatives.

Up and at em', I was a weekend warrior, taking back the city one cocktail at a time. With nothing more than a few drops from the threatening "Storm #10", the past weekend was prime weather for getting back to normal.

I was fortunate enough to have the free-time of two of my closest friends all to myself! You know who you are- swapping animal themed pens, how I adore Flamingos!

With every passing moment it is so easy to forget about that stolen bike, the empty bank account, the sickness I felt for 6 long days, the fragile state we live in...
Thanks for the fantastic cocktail therapy. It was long overdue.

Bring it.

So there is this pesky little storm out there in the gulf coming this way (or so they believe). It's only a tropical storm, nothing to worry about, right?
But remember, we've had just a normal rainstorm last for two hours that inundates the area and floods low street levels.
Some will recall in the last 3 months, two such storms that rolled through, flooding the streets to knee level and left us wondering,"Now, how in the hell would this city last through a hurricane?"
How soon we forget.
Today at work, they are filming K-Ville right in front of the gallery. I took some opportune shots that similarly match with shots I took with one of those said storms.
Where these actors are standing, there was standing water 1 1/2 feet deep.
I due truly hope that this storm blows through quickly, about as quick as a TV production crew doing street shots.

We.

I remember the days long ago when cell phones were something that the über rich in Los Angeles or drug dealers in NYC owned.
These days I've had texting conversations that hide tones of voice, reduce thoughts to simple numerical figures and basically obliterate the most basic of human connection, TALKING.

Once we finally spoke with one another, we saw where the misconnection happened.
This was immediately followed by a long weekend of Cocktail Therapy in the French Quarter that seemed long overdue.
Friends were in town, drinks were had, laughs were shared and it was all a perfect end to endless weeks of work and a stressful month overall.

You see, she describes our relationship like we're a couple, and in a way we are.
Since IT, we've endured living across the street from a collapsed building for two years.
We've slept on the same mattress on the floor for 3 months while our house was still under construction
We've shared a lot of our lives with each other.
We've driven the other crazy & had the craziest times together.
We had a simple misunderstanding and I understand that she and I will always have a connection that no dog, landlord or megalith hurricane can destroy.

This Once

This once, my roommate found a puppy. This once, she didn't try to find it's owner.
This once, I had a landlord that didn't like our 2 dogs and then we had 3.
This once, my landlord saw me walking 3 dogs and gave me a look that said "What the hell is that?"
This once, I assumed I was going to be evicted.
This once, I told my best friend I didn't like her dog.
This once, she told me she didn't want to live in that house anyway.
This once, I saw how assuming can ruin you.
This once, I had a bad day.
This once, I felt....alone.